SARAH CURNOLES BREAKUP COACH Hey there Reader Picture me at a slumber party with 10 other girls. I’m wearing my glasses and my first pair of pajamas that didn’t have cartoons on them. Our New Kids on the Block sleeping bags are rolled out. I’m nervous about sleeping away from home but I feel like this is the moment I make some really good friends. The unspoken rules of slumber party were clear: 1. Don’t be the first to fall asleep or your bra was going in the freezer. 2. Make sure the boy you...
23 days ago • 2 min read
SARAH CURNOLES BREAKUP COACH I’ve been interviewed on podcasts recently (links below), telling how I went from brokenhearted, lonely, and struggling to move on to creating a main character's life in the shape of me and my pleasure. I thought you might enjoy this because there are some juicy lessons here you can use. My Life Before: In my relationship, I played small and safe, prioritizing keeping my partner happy. Often sacrificing my dreams. I thought if I was the perfect partner, he’d never...
27 days ago • 2 min read
SARAH CURNOLES BREAKUP COACH Hello there my friend, I’ve been refining exactly what it takes for a woman like us to move from feeling in limbo after a breakup into a life that is actually, finally, ours. I was thinking about you last night, and I want to tell you something honestly the way I would if we were sitting across from each other at a candlelit table for two. The reason you feel stuck right now? It isn’t because you aren’t brilliant. It’s not because you’re "too much." It’s because...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
SARAH CURNOLES BREAKUP COACH There’s something I’ve been avoiding for a long time. And I decided it’s time to confront my avoidance and my fear and just do it. They say you’re your own worst critic, which I think can be true. But I also think you can be really good at hiding from yourself too. You stay in the same patterns in your life. Maybe that looks like you keep dating the same kind of person over and over. (me, personally? I had a thing for the unavailable, hot, passionate type of guy.)...
4 months ago • 3 min read
SARAH CURNOLES BREAKUP COACH I don’t teach attachment styles because I find it’s incomplete. It has useful to have awareness and language for what your relationship dynamic patterns have been. We can’t change what we’re not aware of. But the problem becomes when people use their attachment style as an identity. “I’m an anxious attachment style” becomes shorthand for the constant fear that you are too much or that you feel like you’re always chasing for love and affection. Whatever you say...
7 months ago • 2 min read
SARAH CURNOLES BREAKUP COACH Remember that 90s movie Rookie of the Year? If not, it’s worth a rewatch. Here’s the gist: 12-year-old Henry is an average baseball player until he breaks his arm. When it heals, something miraculous happens: he suddenly has a lightning-fast pitching arm. The Cubs recruit him, and with his new skill (plus his quick wit and humor), he helps them win their division and head to the World Series. I often say that healing heartbreak is a lot like healing a broken arm....
7 months ago • 1 min read
SARAH CURNOLES BREAKUP COACH I remember going to lunch with a new friend 9 months after a breakup and I was still talking about how great he was and how great the relationship was for a little while. And she did what most female friends do. She talked about how maybe things would change. Maybe he’ll realize what he’s missing and he’ll come back. “It sounds like you had something really special,” she said to me. And since she was fifteen years older and happily married for 20 years, I thought...
8 months ago • 2 min read
SARAH CURNOLES BREAKUP COACH I remember a big fight I had with my ex that led to our breakup. I vaguely remember what the fight was about. What I can clearly remember was feeling completely out of my body. I was so incredibly anxious it was like I vibrated out of my body. All I had was a swirling of thoughts that were on an endless loop that kept me up all night. And the next day, I was a total mess when I met up with a friend to catch up. She spent the whole time helping me to calm down...
8 months ago • 1 min read
SARAH CURNOLES BREAKUP COACH I was the girl that thought getting my ex back was the solution. So when new clients come to me and tell me that’s their deepest desire, I really feel and understand this. My breakups were brutal. Not because of the conversation or how it went down, but because of how I felt afterwards. I made myself miserable. I was crying so much I was nauseated. I would drink a second or third glass of wine with dinner just so I could get to sleep at night. Or I cried myself to...
9 months ago • 2 min read