History repeats itself until you learn the lessons

Published about 1 month ago • 1 min read

SARAH CURNOLES

BREAKUP COACH

If you’ve been asking yourself, “Why does this keep happening to me?”

It’s because it’s not done teaching you yet.

Pain can be your greatest teacher, if you’re ready to pass the course.

Here’s how to break the pattern:

Step 1: Get curious about your past and look for patterns in dynamics, not specifics.

You’re probably not dating the same exact kind of person, but the relationship dynamic probably feels familiar.

I fell for:

A guy that wanted to date me but not marry me.
A guy that didn’t have a visa and might have to go to his home country at any moment.
A guy that wanted to keep dating other people and keep his options open.
A guy who was an addict

They look really different on the outside, but the dynamic was always me chasing after them trying to prove that I was good enough to want to stay for.

Step 2: What’s the hidden belief driving this dynamic?

What must you be believing in order to keep acting out this dynamic?

I used to believe that everyone who loves me leaves me.

When I identified this belief, I could immediately see it was no longer serving me and I went to work to build a new belief.

Step 3: Practice a new belief and put it into action.

After the end of my last relationship, I told myself:
“The most unattractive thing is someone who doesn’t want to be with me. The right person will choose to stay in my life. The right person won’t leave me.”

I said it to myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth. I told it to myself while self-soothing. I looked for evidence of how this could already be true with people in my life who stay in my life, like my friends and family.

If you’re seeing the same pattern in your love life and want help breaking it, hit reply and tell me what’s going on for you. I’ll respond with a journal prompt to help you take the work deeper and start to rewrite the old belief.

With love,

Sarah

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