How to deal with setbacks and backslides when you're trying to grow


SARAH CURNOLES

LIFE COACH

A lot of people have been talking to me recently about setbacks and backslides they’ve been having. So I wanted to share my coaching that I gave them.

People are noticing they’re going back to old ways of being. Whether that’s missing their ex and wanting to call them, feeling hopeless and purposeless, or eating, drinking, or doing anything to numb all their feelings.

Here’s the coaching I gave to them:

Nothing is wrong. You’re experiencing the “one step back” part of the phrase “two steps forward, one step back.” That expression is so common we rarely stop to think about what it really means. And most of the time, we say it like taking a step back is a bad thing, but this is actually a normal and necessary part of growth.

Have you heard how people summit Mount Everest? You don’t just hike straight up. First, you reach basecamp, which is over 17,000 feet above sea level. You rest there to adjust to the altitude. Then you hike to the next camp, and then you come back down to basecamp. Then you go up again. And back down. This up-and-down pattern continues all the way to the summit. It’s a process of slowly stretching your body’s capacity for higher altitude.

This is my favorite analogy for personal growth. It’s not linear. We stretch, and then we rest. We grow, and then we contract. That rhythm is part of how we expand and how we integrate.

Nothing has gone wrong. You’re simply expanding your own capacity.

I find these moments that feel like setbacks are actually invitations to practice deeper self-nourishment. More rest. More water. Nourishing meals. Gentle movement like long walks, stretching, dancing in the kitchen. These small things aren’t small at all. They’re powerful.

Double down on nourishment, and make space for what one of the people in my breakup community calls “defiant joy.”

He discovered the practice of defiant joy during one of his own difficult seasons. Joy can be a form of medicine during hard times. It brings balance and lightness, even when we’re holding grief, anger, despair, or hopelessness.

I love the concept of defiant joy because it reminds us we are always worthy of joy. Even now. Especially now. Choosing joy isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s not about toxic positivity. It’s about both/and.

It’s both depression and joy.
It’s both despair and a moment of laughter.
It’s both heartbreak and a little spark of hope.

We humans are complex. As Walt Whitman said, “I contain multitudes.”

Life is rarely black and white. It’s all the shades of gray. You might feel this setback and still notice a moment of peace in a hot shower, sunlight on your face, or cuddling with your pet.

Normalize what you’re feeling by reminding yourself: Nothing has gone wrong. Then ask: Where is there room to feel what I feel AND let in some joy?

Here’s to living in the gray areas of life.
It’s more real and more interesting there anyway.

Now your turn.

Hit reply and let me know what is resonating for you with this. I want to hear from you.


With love and care,

Sarah

I've been wanting to feel more connected with my community so I am opening up my calendar for Zoom coffee chats!

Want to hang out with me for 30 minutes? We can talk about anything. Just catching up about life and gabbing about what's great and what's not in your life. This isn't a coaching consultation and there's no pitch, it's just people connecting heart to heart.

I want to hear from you! Access my calendar here and schedule time to just hang out:

113 Cherry St #92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2205
Unsubscribe · Preferences

Sarah Curnoles Coaching

In my weekly emails, you will receive inspiration to tap into your inner strength to turn your breakup into the best thing to ever happen to you. Discover tools to heal your heartbreak, tap into your inner strength, and begin a new chapter in your life.

Read more from Sarah Curnoles Coaching

SARAH CURNOLES LIFE COACH Hi there Reader, A client told me she was so tired of being the Fixer in her family. People came to her with all their problems and expected her to solve it. She was smart and resourceful and loved being needed. But she needed her family to be there for her, too, and they weren’t reciprocating. She was exhausted.She wanted to be really seen, heard, and known by her family. She wanted to set some boundaries so she could reclaim a sense of peace in her life. And she...

SARAH CURNOLES LIFE COACH Hiya Reader, I want to tell you a story about how powerful a morning routine can be. I recently did an experiment where I got rid of all my morning routines. I stopped working out. I stopped meditating (mostly, that one was hard to let go of), I stopped journaling. I kept brushing my teeth and drinking water, obviously. I was feeling disconnected from my routine and I wasn't sure if my routine was actually helping me or if it was just checking items off a To Do list...

SARAH CURNOLES BREAKUP COACH Hello my dear friends, As the weather gets warmer and the days are long and sunny, I feel so much energy coming back to me. And my birthday is at the end of June, and I decided to celebrate big. More on that later in this email. But first, you. How are you? How is your heart? I have been giving a lot of thought to how can I best help people who are healing from heartbreak. And I want to talk about something that gets a lot of people stuck. Anger. Most people I...