I used to think it was a “sign” when I constantly thought about my ex.

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I thought that meant that I really loved this person still and that we should be together. I thought if my mind was still stuck on him, then it must mean that our story wasn’t over.

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I have no idea where I came up with this. Maybe one too many rom coms and me romanticizing relationships.

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But this is a thought error.

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Just like if I had programmed my computer to run a program but I gave it bad data, I would get an error. This is an error in my thinking from some bad data that I fed it.

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Just because I have a thought doesn’t mean that it’s inherently true.

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Just because I’m thinking about my ex does not mean that I should get back together with him.

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And if you’re still thinking about your ex and asking yourself “why am I still thinking about my ex” there is an underlying implied thought error.

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Most of the time, when someone asks this question, it’s because they think there is something wrong with thinking about your ex.

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There is nothing wrong with thinking about your ex. It’s actually pretty common.

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You think about someone you cared about. That you spent a lot of time with. That played a significant role in your life.

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Makes total sense that you’d be thinking about someone like that.

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This is an opportunity to practice radical self compassion. You’re going through a big change and your thoughts are going to be all over the place while you adjust. You’re creating new patterns and memories. And it’s natural for old ones to come up.

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Six months after my last big breakup, I cried over baseball. Baseball was something we did together. And even though I was in a good place and had moved on, I hadn’t experienced baseball season yet and it brought up a crop of new memories. I didn’t make myself wrong. I understood this is just what the brain does. It brings up connections. And it was my job to reprogram my brain that this wasn’t important anymore.

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I gave myself a lot of grace and let myself move through this without any drama or concern that this meant something.

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When you have memories or thoughts of your ex, notice if you’re making it a problem. Give yourself a lot of compassion for the sadness or feelings you’re experiencing. And then let it move through.

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And if this resonates with you, I’d love to invite you to a conversation to go deeper into releasing these thoughts so that it doesn’t hold you back from moving on. On this free consultation call, I’ll help you get clarity about your thought errors and find ways to reprogram your brain so that it serves you.

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​Book your free consultation call here to find the thought errors holding you back to moving on. ​

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With love,

Sarah

Check out today's newest pep talk podcast episode: "Why can't I stop thinking about my ex?"